I’m starting to get it.
I’m starting to understand how one night you’re singing your baby to sleep, rubbing his little back and breathing in his sweet scent, and the next morning, you blink and you’re packing him up for college. As I watched loved ones and coworkers move their children out of their homes and into dorm rooms last month—and as my son’s first birthday approaches, it’s freaking me out a little.
Does parenthood accelerate time? Sure feels like it to me.
First, there are more activities to squeeze into each hour. Dinnertime, playtime, bath time, bedtime: most evenings are choreographed to keep the kid happy, healthy and hygienic. Bedtime comes too soon (most nights). Routines are great, but they are always steadily propelling you forward.
Then you’ve got this wonderful little human who is developing and connecting the dots at an awesome (and sometimes alarming) rate. The speed at which children change is nothing short of dizzying. The merry-go-round of time is spinning faster and faster each week, each year, launching them toward independence. You’re helpless to stop it, so you just try to relish the excitement of it all.
Lots of things to do + lots of change = maxed-out mamas who just want to hold onto their babies a little bit longer.
James Taylor sings, “The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.” I’m not sure this is the secret of life, but I’d say it’s definitely a key to living a content, in-the-moment kind-of life. Here are six ways I’m trying to enjoy the passage of time.
1) Practice presence. Put down the phone. The headlines and status updates can wait. When I’m old, I won’t remember one single work email, but I know I will treasure my memories of Luke “reading” his board books, pounding on the piano and crawling after our dog. Watching him bang spoons together isn’t always riveting; but by being present with him and making eye contact, clapping eager hands, I’m sending this tiny person a big message: you are important to me.
2) Don’t take too many pictures. This point piggybacks off number one, and it’s a tough one for me. I don’t know about you, but I can get so preoccupied snapping low-quality pictures of my kid on my phone that the action or unbearable cuteness isn’t even really registering. Not good. The focus becomes capturing the moment versus being in the moment itself. Social media totally perpetuates this tendency. Document your life, by all means, but don’t let it supersede the living of it.
3) Go forth confidently. Everywhere you turn, there is advice on parenting—good and bad. Some of it is good, but just not right for you and your kid. Most of it comes from people who have just as much expertise in child-rearing as you do. So give yourself and your parental instincts a little credit. Is your child healthy? Is your child semi-content? Okay, then; you’re doing awesome! Friends, family and the online community are going to share many different takes on how to do life with children. When these perspectives stop being helpful to you and start distracting (or discouraging) you, step away. God gave you this specific child. With love and prayer, you are equipped. Go forth confidently.
4) Be thankful. I was driving home the other night after a long, frustrating day at work, with Luke in the backseat. I was pretty much in full-blown “Woe is me” mode. I knew the house was a mess and all three of us were grouchy. I didn’t want to cook dinner or clean bottles or do laundry. I wanted silence, pajamas, Indian takeout and reality TV… in that order. Sensing my attitude’s downward spiral, I gave myself a little lecture to bring me back to center.
“Sarah, there are lots of unemployed people who would love to be coming home from a job. There are hungry people who would love a meal to cook. There are plenty of women who would love a baby to care for tonight. And aren’t you fortunate you have lots of clothes to wash? Stop complaining and get grateful!”
Look, being a parent is super hard. Feeling down, out and overwhelmed can feel like your default. Gratitude helps us resist defeat, regain perspective and unlock joy. In the end, a lot is going right with your child and your home and your life, in general. Recognize and celebrate what’s going right. It makes life so much easier and more enjoyable.
5) Just say no. Maybe you don’t want to hang out with that friend or be on that committee or go to that class. Or maybe you totally want to, but it just doesn’t fit or align with the priorities of the day/week/year. It’s okay to politely decline. Rain checks are allowed. People will understand. Being busy isn’t a sign of a fulfilling life. Trust me, I’m preaching to myself here. How many times has someone asked me how my life is going, and I reply “Crazy busy!”?
Modern life is inherently full, so we have to ruthlessly prioritize our days around our core values in order to keep the “crazy busy” at bay. Obviously, some commitments are non-negotiable. Some items on your to-do list can’t be avoided or rescheduled. But we have more control over our own schedules than we often admit.
Deliberate thoughtfully before making plans or promises, and don’t shy away from saying “no” for the sake of your family and your sanity. We want to enjoy our time—not begrudge or regret how we spend it.
6) Invest in your marriage. This one might be last, but certainly isn’t least. You two came first, and, by the grace of God, you two will still be holding down the fort when the kids leave. The best way you can love your children is to love your spouse. Your marriage is foundational to your home, and your home is foundational to your child’s sense of identity and security. Let him see you kiss (no matter how “gross” he thinks it is). Let her see you work through conflict with respect and maturity. Let them see teamwork in action.
Time together as a twosome (a.k.a. “date night”) is critical; make it a priority and make it special. I don’t know about you, but parenthood has further endeared me to my husband. We are sharing a unique, meaningful experience—raising our son—and that common purpose draws us closer together.
Sarah Weller 