“Comparison is the killer of joy.”
I don’t know who said this, but this quote has been in my head recently. Do a baby-related Google search or scour social media, and you’ll notice that moms (especially rookie moms) love to compare. Heck, women in general. It starts innocently enough. Swapping stories. Sharing advice and photos and your child’s developmental milestones. Facebook pages and designer Christmas cards. But often, things can get proud and judge-y real quick. Not in an obvious way; in an under-the-surface way that can appear sweet as pie. My choice/my way is best. This product/method is best. My family is best…
We’re either the one posturing/strutting our stuff, or we’re the one feeling behind or less-than.
I had a moment the other day when I was meditating on this saying, figuring out if it really applied to my own experience. And yes. Yes, it does. I’ve let comparison run wild and kill my joy. Not out of my insecurity, but out of my humanity.
Humans—especially women—have a strong need to share and compare. We want to survey what’s working for others, what people are doing and saying and feeling. This knowledge, after all, can help us survive and help us stay sane. Unfortunately, though, this healthy, life-preserving propensity frequently can get out of control. Knowing and seeing too much—from others’ perspectives—can stifle our own personal joy.
Not to take the whole thing too far, but it reminds me of the knowledge of the tree of good and evil, way back in the garden. The desire to have what I can’t or shouldn’t, “the grass is always greener” mindset… the lie that sneaks up on us, “God is holding out on you…” When we can’t stop playing the comparison game, Satan is giddy. He is an expert at twisting evil out of things intended for good.
Our tendency is to get greedy instead of grateful. I want more instead of being content. I am not satisfied. What I have and what I am feels like not enough. Which is obviously first-class poppycock.
Bottom line: When I’m so busy looking at other peoples’ lives and jobs and vacations and homes and clothes—what they have—I’m not focused on what I have. Who I am, down deep.
You know this. This is not some grand revelation, rather a simple reminder. But you might not have previously connected how it all relates to JOY.
Joy is depleted because joy is a by-product of thanksgiving. A thankful heart is a joyful heart. Happiness happens—dependent on fleeting feelings and circumstances. But joy is a state of being, a state of peace, security and satisfaction. The oasis of joy is found when we humbly recognize what the Lord has done for us and that He is enough. That “what we have” is really “what He has given.” That He is good to you. Individually. Personally.
Look around your life and get grateful. The burden will lift. The joy will bubble up and over.
Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Sarah Weller 